Buddy, we have been together for a few years now. You were so goofy at first, speaking to me in that funny high-pitched girly voice that you like to use when you talk to your sister’s baby. I’m glad you don’t do that much anymore. It really bothers my ears. Anyway, I can’t help but like you. I’ll always be grateful that you took me out of that nasty cage in the stinky kennel. We have both grown up a lot since then. It’s time for you to take an important step in your life…in our life. It’s time for you to buy a house. You have outgrown this apartment, and so have I.
Just think about it buddy. You are always so worried when I get excited and bark at the neighbors’ television. I know you mean well, but I hate it when you yell at me for barking. I’m just protecting you! If we have our own house, you can let me bark as much as I want AND you can turn the volume up on that silly “So You Think You Can Dance” show that you watch (but would never admit to).
And I know that you just hate walking me when it’s cold outside. I have this great fur coat, so I don’t mind the cold. But you and that thin skin…I know you get chilly. And I’m the one who misses out! I LOVE to be outside regardless of the temperature! If you buy a house, you can put in a nice little fence and I can just hang out in the outdoors and sniff things. You don’t even have to put up a fence! I promise I won’t go very far. After all, you are the one who gives me all those delicious treats. And you ALWAYS manage to drop snacks on the floor when you are eating in front of the TV. I would hate to miss out on those delicious salty treats. And the belly rubs.
You know who else would like you to buy a house? I bet your girlfriend wants you to buy a house. She’s always talking about you two living together. I really like her. She gives the BEST belly rubs. And sometimes she gives me treats when you aren’t looking. I think it would be great if she was here all the time. But you can’t ask her to move in to THIS neighborhood. You have to find a better place, buddy. And it would be so much safer if she could park her car in the garage, but you don’t have a garage. And I just don’t think you have enough closet space for her. She must have a LOT of clothes because she’s always wearing something different. Yeah, you need to have a much bigger place if you think you are ever going to get her to move in.
And if you had a bigger place, maybe we could find a girlfriend for me too? It gets lonely here when you are at work.
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